What is a bully? In my opinion, a bully is someone that has previously been taunted or taught to think a certain way. As to where many people look at a bully and think, what does this person have that I don’t? What is the thing that makes them so amazing? What makes them think they are better than anyone? Well, in my perspective a bully is no better than you are on any given day. The only difference is a bully has learned how to maneuver being on top. The truth is behind every bully there is a much different story than meets the eye.
In some cases, maybe that bully just doesn’t know how to fix their own realities. So they choose to pick on someone else. Why do they pick on one person specifically? Believe it or not, your bully might be picking on you because they’re jealous. More often than not, bullies have a certain standard to keep, due to pressure at home or the standard that society has built around them. It is wrong, but most of the time a pushy or aggressive individual is that way because they are unhappy with themselves or their life. They are unhappy and they do not have the tools or the proper guidance to change or fix their situation.
The next time someone goes to throw something in your face, realize that they just may be jealous of you. You may think, what could they possibly be jealous of? Well, maybe they’re just jealous because they don’t have the strength to stand out in the crowd the way you do. It is hard to be more or less than the standard and a person that takes life and just runs with it, flaws and all stand out.
The nerds that people make fun of in school, for having their nose in books are smart. the bullies are not smart or able to be as attentive as they are. It does not mean the bully is stupid but smarts may not be their thing. A child that maybe babied by a parent or have to be in by a certain time or have rules, they are not babies. They just have someone that loves them enough to give them rules and teach them the realities of life. Sure it could be embarrassing to have your guardian continuously checking in, but you should feel proud you have that. You would be surprised, how many children or even adults don’t get that type of love or affection once a year let alone per month, week or day. Maybe that bully you dread coming across every day has obligations or things that hold them back from being able to be less than perfect. Maybe the only way they can achieve getting any type of attention is when they do something wrong. That is no excuse to be bad or do wrong things, but consider how hurt that could make someone. I’m not trying to justify acting in any of these wayI’m I’m not giving bullies excuses to emotionally or physically abuse people. I am mere, just explaining how frequently people can be misunderstood and that with a helping hand or a little understanding can prevent the whole cycle of bullies in general.
I wouldn’t say that I would necessarily be a bully in regular life. I have always made it my business to fight for the people that could not fight for themselves. Although, I have been in certain situations with the loved ones that I have been pushy or overwhelming towards them. Since I was a little girl I had to keep a standard and be more than I was out of obligation my whole life.
I was the oldest of five children and god help me if I set a bad example. I suppose in a way we all do that to the ones we love. No one wants to see our loved ones fall behind or be less then they can because they settle. Now, on the other hand,d, I have also been the victim of bullying in some different settings. One of the ways I was bullied was called tough love. That is how I have raised my dad, he expected me to be better, faster, stronger. With that type of pressures, if it were not for my mom I wouldn’t have been able to realize that mistakes and being less were ok too. She taught me. All you can do in life is your best and anyone that didn’t except me for who I was, didn’t need to be a part of my life. So we learn from example and guidance. Behind a bully is not always strength sometimes it is fear of someone or even our demons. In many cases, a regular bully starts out no different than your average victim, a confused misunderstood kid that is just trying to make it in the world.
I personally believe that being a victim is the first stage of becoming a bully. It might sound a little ridiculous but essentially if you have too much pressure or obligation or standard to keep. If you are faced with ridicule or possibly even abuse, your body and mental state put you in a fight or flight situation. For elders and loved one, it is human nature to use your life experience to prevent or push others you love in a different direction that you may have already gone. You want to save them from the pain or hurt you already experienced. That’s all my father tried to teach me with his tough love. He didn’t want to see me be less then I was. Much like most parents or guardians. But as I said I was lucky enough to also have a mother with a different point of view. Most people do not have that experience or support.
There are so many types of bullies in the world. The world is full of people just trying to get by. We are built starving for attention or trying to be better than everyone else. The society we know and live in is what makes us this way. The reason you see so many more bullies than ever is because stress and pressure in family households are worse then it’s ever been. Parents are not there for their children the way they use to be, able to be. And teachers and average people in the world can’t reach out and give someone a helping hand out of fear they will face some type of consequences. If a teacher gives a student to much time or even a hug when they are sad it could be judged as possible abuse. If someone helps a kid on the street you’re looked at as a possible child predator. You can’t even smile at someone’s child and say they are adorable in fear that mother will freak out in fear you are a child snatcher.
The world has become one giant paranoia after another. Kids cannot reach out anymore for help. The rules and the laws put in place to protect us have also held us hostage in our own horrible situations. Mothers and fathers that are being abused by their spouse, must stay in abusive households just so they can keep their children from being alone with their abusive spouse because the court system decides what is right for their families. A parent can’t reach out for support in fear they could have their child taken away. I will not even touch the difference between abuse and discipline. Tough love is a form of discipline and structure and even that without all the proper details is abuse. What we say and do makes no difference anymore. Society and all its rules and standards have crippled us.
The world as we know it has changed it’s a cruel place. It’s a place where if you’re different you’re not accepted. It’s a place where having more money or more material things, makes you better. But this is the thing no one is really better than anyone. We are just a bunch of people walking around in the world trying to keep to some type of standard that we were raised with. We are all the same in one big melting pot of a bunch of different people, from a bunch of different races, with a bunch of different religious backgrounds and a bunch of different ways of living.
So yes in my eyes behind every bully is a story that we have yet to know and behind every victim is the potential to become a bully because of common responses. I blame society for putting too much pressure on regular people and regular households. I blame society for bringing false standards upon us that most people can not meet. People in the world that have taken advantage of the system set in place for people that don’t have. While the people that don’t have, have too much pride to accept their flaws and reach out for help. The people that can’t reach out due to fear it could make a situation worse. These are all the reason’s people do things that are not acceptable. Some for love, some out of human error, and some because their options are limited to what they are doing at that point.
If we want a world with no bullies or no people shooting up places out of emotion that is misunderstood, then we need to get together. We need to be more than your average person. We need to find a way to still reach out to each other without getting our hands bit off. We should be more support for people because the standard support to help victims is wrong. The society will tell you if you want to fix a problem you have one way and that is the industry standard. If you’re being abused or in a bad situation they place you in a court and they tell you how to handle it or they give you an advocate and that person shows you how to run away from it. And the truth is we need to stop running we need to stop believing in one system for all. Because one size or one way does not work for everyone. We need to look at us and fight for what we care and love. Not every situation is the same and you can’t treat every situation the same either because it does not help us to prosper or move in a different direction it cripples us as a society and an individual.
The next time you get bullied remember everyone has their story and not everyone upfront with it. And the next time you catch yourself being pushy overruling or laughing at someone remember your not perfect either. We can blame the parents, the children, television or even video games. But the truth is bullying is a problem within our society. It’s the inability of understanding, the rudeness behind judgment, and just the god-awful way we have to survive.
Once again thanks for checking in on My Crazy Beautiful Blogs. I realize this is a long one but all great things to think about. I hope I gave you some new insight to raddle around with. Take this week to except and work on yourself and your relationships. Do an act of kindness for someone, spread your love and attention to all you hold dear and the world. Most of all enjoy your day. Xoxo