I’ve been writing a lot the past few months about self-discovery and personal transformation. Based on how to go from one level of sadness to absolute joy. I’ve written about personal strength and limitations. About the pros and cons of living in the black and white as opposed to life in the gray. But today I thought I would focus on those that never focus on themselves.
I thought it would be a great time to mention all the men and woman out there that struggle every day with the responsibilities of being a caregiver. All the men and woman that are out there in the world being a supportive Parent, Child, Sibling, Spouse, Friend or etc to a loved one. A loved one that is incapable of caring for themselves due to whatever reason they may have.
Being a caregiver is an extraordinary position. Then thing that makes it extraordinary is that you have to face life, with such a different viewpoint than most. Every day you lay your life on the line and regardless of anything you have going on, you still keep pushing against everything that stands against you. All with the hope that you can make someone else’s life more livable if you just provide them your love and support.
There are benefits to being a caregiver for the ones you love. The top one is they are always safest in your arms. You may know them best and your support is generally needed because of it. I will also eventually write a separate post regarding the men and woman that need assistance as the things they face every day in some cases is also extraordinary. But I want to focus on giving the caregivers out there, the recognition and applaud they truly deserve.
For so many of you, living by a daily routine is the only option you have for your survival. I’m sure you miss out on all the things your friends and family may experience because you feel someone has to do the right thing. As for the times you look around for support from others you may find none. You may also find that not only do you not have proper support but no one quite understands where you are coming from either. You may frequently find yourself defending your actions, dedication, and loyalty to the mission you start off with every day.
I know from personal experience how being the good guy can so quickly make you the monster or the control freak. Yet all you are doing is your very best to keep things together and manage an impossible situation. Many of you like myself find that sometimes the worst support comes from the misunderstood family and friends that just want the best for you.
Not meaningfully our closest family and friends somehow along the way quickly find themselves in enemy or opposing positions. Leaving you in an already complicated situation all by yourself, feeling lonely, afraid and like at any moment you could shatter and everyone would just say well we told them so.
The complexity of the situation is one that most could not even imagine let alone bear. You may look yourself in the mirror and think you’ve lost it all. All your chances are gone, you may have regret because you feel guilty for wanting to be selfish. This is all part of human nature. You are not a monster! You are just a person with wants and needs, that also need to be met. There are ways for you to still, rebuild the life you want and yourself.
The first step is to recognize that maybe from the outside you may be viewed as a martyr, controlling, unrealistic, possibly even a flawed or emotional individual or whatever else it is you’ve been told or told yourself. I’ve been told some interesting things about myself and I’ve also been my worst critic but who isn’t.
The truth, on the other hand, is that you are an amazing human being. You should take pride in your strength and dedication. You single-handedly wake up and schedule an impossible situation.
Every day you put someone else’s life in front of your own. Which to others maybe stupid or demeaning but to me and all the other caregivers in the world. It is not just honorable but it is something that should be applauded. Your dedication and love may be the only thing holding that person together. Thanks to you they are able to live a life that without you would surely not be able possible. You are someone’s personal superhero.
Today is the day that I plead with you to reach out to others in your situation. I say this because although the life of a caregiver is nothing less than righteous. It is also a life that should be supported and cared for too.
There is support out there for all of us. Sometimes you have to step out of the box to reach it, but once you do you too can start to have your cake and eat it too. There is nothing selfish about finding peace and happiness for yourself. Family and friends can try to be supportive but without actually understanding your mind frame or disposition it is impossible, for them to understand or give you the kind of support you need.
Here are some ways you can start to make a change for yourself that you can also fit in your already very busy scheduled day:
1. Make a list of all the pros and cons. of your life?
• List how they make you feel?
• List ways you can change the negative parts of your life, into positive?
• List your dreams and aspirations, then list how you can make them happen!
• Make a list of ways you can seek help and how to get it achieved?
2. Seek Specialized Groups
• Seek local neighborhood groups.
• Seek social media groups that specialize in what you are dealing with. They have something for everyone nowadays. Whether you are the caregiver of someone with autism, a disease or diseases, old age, addiction, and whatever else there is out there.
• Seek out churches or people that share the same faith.
3. Seek other groups that may share similar feelings and have ideas on how to deal with you feelings such as.:
• Are you alone?
• Are you depressed?
• Do you have anxiety?
• Are you looking for love?
• Do you need to find balance in your life?
• Do you seek a better tomorrow?
• How can you rid yourself of stress?
4. Then after you find what you are looking for the next step of your process would be too. :
• Join the group you found hell join two or three of them.
• Take a chance at putting yourself out there.
• Whether it is in person or over the internet support can change your life.
5. Start setting aside time for you:
• Remember if you can schedule an already horrible situation, against all the odds against you. Then I promise you can find a way to have 5 minutes for yourself daily.
• Add to your schedule, one thing that takes no less than an hours worth of your time on a weekly basis. Make sure it is something that brings you joy. You deserve that break.
• Pamper yourself by taking a long shower or bath, get a massage, manicure, pedicure or etc;
• Join a gym to let that excess energy and stress out.
• Go for a walk, jog, run or swim.
• Join a team for a sport or activity you enjoy.
• Just find a way for you to start, to live a life beyond all that holds you back.
6. Some excellent options you can take if you do not know what steps to take to achieve all the above:
• Seek local assistance for caregivers
• Seek specialized or general Life Coaching Services. We have sessions over phone and Skype sessions available so you have no excuse to not help yourself.
• Seek Therapy or Counseling
• Seek help sites or books to guide you through this time.
All the above will help you to build a plan of action. Each of the above can give you and your loved one the structure and help you both need. All without judgment and ridicule. There is no time like the present to take back your life.
Regardless of being a caregiver you too can be the man or a woman with hopes and dreams once more. You already put in so much dedication its time to take a piece of the pie for yourself too.
No one needs to know that you’ve made these changes or stepped out of your box. You don’t have to feel guilty or ashamed of having wants or needs. The only thing you have to do is embrace your life and know what you want. Then get up, go out and take it all! One step at a time, till you find your happy place and when you do. Just live and enjoy the life you not only built but the life you deserve.
These are all actions I have taken for myself to get where I am today. People told me I was crazy and to just walk away from my responsibilities a million times. I was also told you can’t fix everything or some things are just what they are. I was told I was being selfish because I would be upset after people changed plans after I set aside my life to make certain things accomplishable. All while others took credit or couldn’t even bother to try. You name it I’ve been through it. The world is shallow and sometimes a very dark place. Especially when it comes to what people want and need.
If you are like me and you put your heart and body out there to help others. You may keep finding yourself alone. I really believe if you do any of the above this is your chance to make a better tomorrow and achieve your dreams. All with these simple changes to your schedule and some added support that can and will actually understand you and what you face every day, life can get better.
Take a chance at your better tomorrow and when you do come back to this post and share your story. Hell, send me an email an I’ll give you your very own post to share how you accomplished your impossible.
My story led me here, being a blog writer that once upon a time lost her voice and mind all due to struggle. Now that I have found my voice and confidence. I have found a way to reach people like you and I. Thanks to my experience and the support of strangers. I am a force to be reckoned with. Once I was a caregiver that lost her spirit. Now today, I am a blog writer and soon to be life coach that every day sets up an action plan to help people that seek happiness. What tomorrow brings for you is limitless, if you believe in yourself and take that jump.
Thanks again for reading My Crazy Beautiful Blogs. I hope this sheds some light on your experiences for those that don’t understand that’s okay because we know you mean well. Remember that sometimes the best helping hand is one that will hold yours without judgment and words.