Welcome to my Domestic Violence Support Page. I have set up this page as a way for men and woman, who are victims of Domestic Abuse can come to share their stories or read other victims stories to help them build a better understanding of their situation and to help them realize they are not alone…
This page is also to assist with providing information for the loved ones, of victims in Domestic Violence situations. This will help you to better understand and give you information on how to give your loved ones a helping hand in their time of need!
I am aware of what being a victim of mental and physical abuse can have on you personally, emotionally and physically. I have put this page together because I do not believe there is enough information out regarding this subject. Nor do I feel the support provided is at the standard it should be.
There is a large platform of sources and information out there but from experience, I specifically understand that most men and women that are victims suffer in silence.
For what ever reason it maybe that holds you back in these situations, sometimes you may feel you have no way out or enough support to make that jump. Maybe you do not want to burden anyone with your problems.
Many pages and sources do their best to give the victim ways to run and flee their situation. Others may rally with support to assist you in letting your emotional side out while you survive or put together a plan of action towards peace and happiness. While some may help out by allowing you to share your stories and rants while providing information on how to achieve a successful extraction from such hardships.
The thing I find sad about Domestic abuse, is even though it is a reality in life. Many people do not understand it. They may not understand why the victim stays around or continues to accept their situation. The truth is many people find it easy to judge the victim of Domestic Violence before judging the actual abuser!
You maybe asked these questions or have remarks made to you such as:
Why would you take that abuse and still stay?
What is it that is holding you back?
Why do you remain loyal?
I would never take that type of abuse!
You must like it, if you stick around!
Maybe He / She Deserves it?
Well, what did you do to cause your partner to act like that or treat you that way?
This Is My Favorite One ( WHY DON’T YOU JUST LEAVE?)
This is a small list of questions and remarks you maybe facing if you are a victim. The simple answer to all of the above questions and the response to all of the remarks is this…
YOU HAVE NO CLUE, HOW HARD IT IS TO THROUGH AWAY A LIFE YOU WORKED, SO HARD TO ACHIEVE. NO ONE WANTS TO BE ABUSED, LEAST OF ALL ME! NO, I DO NOT LIKE IT, I DO NOT DESERVE IT AND IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!
But instead of letting your frustration get the best of you.
Just say if you care about me, instead of adding on pressure and making me feel more embarrassed maybe help me find other options. I am in a hard situation but I am unsure of the best way to get out of it with the least amount of damage to my life..
The truth about being a victim of abuse is there is such a larger picture to the situation, then what really meets the eye. Maybe you are terrified of the unknown? Maybe, there is an issue that led to you being in this situation, in the first place? You see, not all abusers start off being terrible people. The majority of them are every day men and women, just like you and me. Maybe, you were in this relationship for x amount of time and one day out of the blue they hit you for no reason, with no explanation. Then in disbelief you accidentally overlooked a huge sign of complication and then found yourself stuck.
After a life time of good times or beautiful memories shared it is hard to believe that someone you loved and that loved you so dearly, could turn on you like a wild dog! Perhaps, they have an addiction, that sends them into spirts of abuse. Maybe, they were abused themselves and need help also? The things to consider in these situations, vary on so many levels. It is not always as simple as packing your bags and relocating. The thing is most people stay, due to fear of the unknown, lack of finances, lack of support, lack of confidence, loyalty to their partner, faith that their god will get them through it some how, a sense of pride, the list goes on and on!
Dear Friends And Family Of Domestic Abuse or Any Type Of Abuse Victims
I ask you, if you are friends with or the family member of a person in a Domestic Violence or some one in an Abusive Situation, that you be gentle with your words. Judgment is not the answer ! These men and women of domestic, emotional or just general violence get judged and ridiculed everyday.
Many Victims of abuse live there life in silent pain, suffering in fear and agony. These sorrows and experiences can never be described or explained, well enough to give you even a quarter of the experience, they have been through. The gut wrenching sorrows from such acts, can break a person in so many ways, that most people can never understand.
Show support to your loved one by being there to listen. Help them to seek assistance by helping them to find a sense of peace or laughter regardless, of their current state. Assist them in rebuilding their confidence and helping them to put together an exit strategy that works in their best interest and safety. Be an outside source, that can provide a safe couch or listening ear! If you see something, say something to them in a non-judgmental way. Sometimes it’s the simple acts of kindness and support that can make all the difference in the pain, your loved one maybe experiencing.
Now Dear Victim Of Abuse Any Type Of Abuse
I plead with you to take a full account of your situation. Keep a log of the actions, taken on you, take pictures, and if you do this be safe with the information you keep. Make sure to tell a secure and reliable friend that is capable of keeping a secret. Just incase at some point you need someone to verify and back you up. So many times these abusers get off because of our silence.
YOU DO NOT WANT THIS FALLING IN THE WRONG HANDS!!!! Do not let your abuser know, you are seeking assistance or building an exit strategy.
Save money, where you can and be aware of all of your surroundings, at all times! Learn your partners patterns and cycles so you are aware of when you should and should not say and do certain things. SEEK HELP, as soon as you are able to! Remember, NO ONE deserves being abused mentally or physically. You may have your reasons to stay but there is a better life out there, for you. With a structured plan of action, you can free yourself of this harm and all of the pain and suffering that comes along with it.
You may feel weak and like less of a person but the truth is YOU ARE STRONG! You may be scared of the unknown but maybe the unknown could be LESS SCARY then your actual situation. You maybe waiting, for a white knight to save you but the truth is, all the support in the world will not make you change your mind to leave, if you do not want to seek change. Especially, if you do not want to make the first step, to MAKE A CHANGE!
The first step, of taking your life back is to access your situation. Second step, is making people you trust aware of your situation. Third step, is making a plan of action.. Fourth step is, Taking One Step At A Time To Find Safety And Build Your Way Towards A Better Way Of Life.
Always Remember The Below Words Through Your Journey, Towards A Better Life
YOU ARE WORTH SAVING ~ FEEL NO SHAME ~ BE SMART~ FIND STRUCTURE~ BE SAFE
MOST OF ALL FIND THE LIFE YOU NOT JUST DESIRE BUT DESERVE!!!!
Let’s start off with explaining what Domestic Violence really is….. Here are some sources to help you get a better idea of what you maybe dealing with.
The Below Definition and Explanation of Domestic Violence is According to : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence
See Page For More Excellent Information
Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners. Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly, and may be done for self-defense. It takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as choking, beating, female genital mutilation, and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death. Domestic murders include stoning, bride burning, honor killings, and dowry deaths.
Globally, the victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly women, and women tend to experience more severe forms of violence. In some countries, domestic violence is often seen as justified, particularly in cases of actual or suspected infidelity on the part of the woman, and is legally permitted. Research has established that there exists a direct and significant correlation between a country’s level of gender equality and rates of domestic violence. Domestic violence is among the most underreported crimes worldwide for both men and women. Due to social stigmas regarding male victimization, men face an increased likelihood of being overlooked by healthcare providers.Domestic violence occurs when the abuser believes that abuse is an entitlement, acceptable, justified, or unlikely to be reported. It may produce intergenerational cycles of abuse in children and other family members, who may feel that such violence is acceptable or condoned. Very few people recognize themselves as abusers or victims because they may consider their experiences as family conflicts that got out of control. Awareness, perception, definition and documentation of domestic violence differs widely from country to country. Domestic violence often happens in the context of forced or child marriage.
In abusive relationships, there may be a cycle of abuse during which tensions rise and an act of violence is committed, followed by a period of reconciliation and calm. Victims of domestic violence may be trapped in domestic violent situations through isolation, power and control, cultural acceptance, lack of financial resources, fear, shame, or to protect children. As a result of abuse, victims may experience physical disabilities, deregulated aggression, chronic health problems, mental illness, limited finances, and poor ability to create healthy relationships. Victims may experience severe psychological disorders, such as post-traumatic stress disorder. Children who live in a household with violence often show psychological problems from an early age, such as avoidance, hypervigilance to threats, and deregulated aggression which may contribute to vicarious dramatization.
Below is an example of tactics and abusive partner may use to hold their partner within the relationship according to : http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
See Page For More Excellent Information
At The Hotline, we use the Power & Control Wheel* to describe most accurately what occurs in an abusive relationship.
Think of the wheel as a diagram of the tactics an abusive partner uses to keep their victim in the relationship. While the inside of the wheel is composed of subtle, continual behaviors, the outer ring represents physical, visible violence. These are the abusive acts that are more overt and forceful, and often the intense acts that reinforce the regular use of other more subtle methods of abuse.
*Although this Power & Control Wheel uses she/her pronouns for the victim and assumes a male perpetrator, abuse can happen to people of any gender in any type of relationship.
If you’re in or unsure if you are in an abusive relationship, please see the sources provided above for more Information. Each page has excellent sources, to assist you in your situation. Do not be ashamed to search the web for appropriate assistance. Be careful of your internet history and what you sign up for. Be safe with your efforts to find the proper assistance. Another great way to find assistance is to see my set of service and help lines on my contact page. This will keep you from creating internet history.
Here Are Some Resources To Help You Safely Handle Or Exit Your Situation
Various Sources On That Page That Maybe Some Help For You Or Your Loved One At This Time…
Something Else I Found On Domestic TheHotline.org Was They Have A Page Dedicated To Help You Find A Safe Place Even For Your Pets… If Loosing Your Pets Is What Is Holding You Back , Here Is The Page To Assist You In Your Hardtimes …
Extra Sources & Info:
If you need to be relocated and are looking for a safe way out contact this number..
If You Are Having Problems In A Shelter
Also Always REMEMBER working within these shelters can be very hard. These men and women see many abuse victims suffer very often, due to this occasionally they forget they are there to give support and assist the victims of abuse not to just direct them… If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you can not trust your case worker or any of the shelter staff. If you feel they have fallen off and are treating you like less of a human? I plead with you do not let this situation turn you away from the assistance that that shelter is providing you. You have left your abuser and that took strength so remember you still have that strength and if you left your situation you can leave anything. So, if this occurrence ever happens to you I ask you to seek a new case worker do not keep silent. Report your fears and feelings explain that although you know they mean well you need a new person to assist you at this time or you want a transfer to another location. If that does not work you can always google your local coalitions within the state you are currently in and they will help handle the situation for you.
Here Are Some Informational Charts, I Put Together To Assist You…
Please See The Page Self Discovery For More Descriptive Directions to Help You
In Self Discovery And Self-Awareness
As this page is an open page, I ask you to please be wise and safe, as others are capable of seeing all comments and stories below. Although, I’d like you to Feel Free to make yourself anonymous in your comments, to prevent yourself from being known if need be.
Please share your stories below. I ask you all to be respectful of others comments and stories. Many of you that maybe commenting maybe at different levels and in different situations. Not all victims suffer the same or handle their situations equally. I ask you to consider and view each view point, thought and story with kindness and decency. If you are in need of assistance through your hard times, please see my life coaching page and service page for my current promotions as I am happy to assist and guide you in building a plan of action. I also have options for those of you with limited funds. Also, anyone that wishes to share their full story in light of the fact so many men and woman have to face this struggle everyday and to promote a better view of the life, of a victim. Please contact me and I will be happy to share your story on my blog, you may remain a Ghost writer and Nameless for your safety if preferred. The more stories shared in this category the more men and woman of living in violence we can help and inspire. Best Of Luck Through Your Struggles And Achievements!!!
Thank You For Viewing My Page Dedicated To The Men And Women Of Domestic Abuse!https://www.thehotline.org/healthy-relationships/